no title

bad girl

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 20:21:49 GMT

i skipped some classes today....i know it was stupid....oh well i just can't skip again this semester....really there wasn't shit i was gonna learn in theory, and in sociology she only does roll 4 times a year and she just did it on friday....so.....oh well....i gotta catch up with my psych notes.....

everything else is going pretty good....:)....i gotta get my bf to take a picture of my ass....

sprinkles

Wed, 10 Sep 2003 03:16:31 GMT

i stole sprinkles from work....mwahahahahahahaha......one more day till the 40 show.....i just have 3 classes tomorrow then i'm free till then.....i can't waaaait......

Mon, 08 Sep 2003 05:35:18 GMT

oh yeah I FUCKIN LOVE YOU....u know who you are

feelin fine

Mon, 08 Sep 2003 05:33:50 GMT

ah i feel great.....haven't felt this good in a long time.....love is grand.....the 40 show is four days away......i got good weed.....everythang's goin good.....

back finally

Sat, 06 Sep 2003 23:19:26 GMT

ok i got internet at my apartment now, so the updates will continue....if i feel like it....

ps: I'M REALLY EXCITED FOR THE 40 SHOW!!!!!!

feeling shitty....but why

Wed, 30 Jul 2003 01:44:59 GMT

well tomorrow i'm going to the doctor to get some anti-depressants prescribed. i hope they work and they don't make me feel all weird and shit. i'm actually feeling a lot better today, but i've still been bummed out. mornings are the worst, for some reason i feel awful when i wake up.

oh yeah i just had a birthday party with my mom's family. i got some cash, some gift certificates, and a big pot. nothing too exciting.

i'm all moved out of the old apartment, and i'm staying with my mom till friday when i can get into my new place. i'm worried and excited. excited to get all this shit over with and finally have my own place, but worried because i don't really remember what the place is like, i think it might be way too small, plus it's gonna be lonely as hell for the first few weeks till i get used to it.

now it's bath time....

feeling better

Wed, 23 Jul 2003 20:44:16 GMT

ok that last entry looks really dramatic.....i felt horrible when i wrote it but i feel better now.....it was just a chemical thing i guess....

Mon, 21 Jul 2003 16:40:18 GMT

i feel about as bad as i've ever felt....for no real reason.....yesterday i felt like crying but couldn't....i'm crying now.....i can't shake this feeling....it feels like shit.....for days now, even weeks.......but yesterday was the worst, and today is pretty bad......i wanna cry some more but it hurts too much......god i feel horrible.....everything scares me....this feeling scares me.....i'm so insecure....everything in my life seems like shit.....i feel so alone....

random update

Fri, 18 Jul 2003 03:49:58 GMT

let's see...what's going on....well my mom moved out so i have the apartment to myself....but i got bitched out for smoking in here....probably shouldn't have smoked all those cigars lol.....anyways, i have no food.....it sucks....i'm so poor.....oh well

work is getting annoying....

my finger hurts...

my boyfriend rocks :)

i'm going to dog fashion disco on sunday!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!

well that's all the update for now....peace

damnit

Sat, 05 Jul 2003 17:10:08 GMT

right now it feels like my whole life is one big pile of crap....

called in sick

Fri, 04 Jul 2003 16:30:24 GMT

i'm just so pissed at work i decided not to go today....plus if i wanna go to the stoughton fair and have any kind of a good time it has to be tonight....but anyways when i called in i talked to jason (thank god jaimie wasn't there) and as soon as i got done saying "i don't think i'm gonna be able to come in to work today, i'm sick..." he said "hmm sounds suspicious"
but jason's a pretty cool guy, he checked the schedule and let me be sick.....

so i got 2 days off in a row....time to be lazay........and look for a better fucking job...

Fri, 04 Jul 2003 16:26:12 GMT

You are a gynocologist inspecting uranus! Your mind
lies on the sexual side of things, but your way
of going about things doesn't really compute
with normal human beings. I mean, first of all
you don't do anus. Second of all, you have your
gyno van parked out in deep space. Do you sense
a problem with comprehension here?

dez made me do it....lol

hmm

Thu, 03 Jul 2003 05:53:15 GMT

i'm lonely and tired....i gotta work till close tomorrow and the next day....i'm tired of working.....but then i got saturday off, but i gotta help my mom move or pack or something...then saturday night i think i'm going to the fair.....but i can't stay out late cuz i got a fuckin double shift on sunday and if i don't get enough sleep its gonna kill me

i don't know how i'm gonna survive once i get a second job....argh i really wish kent lived in madison things would be sooooo much easier....oh well......

owie

Sun, 29 Jun 2003 01:54:37 GMT

this morning i woke up to rain...i had to ride my bike 3.5 miles to work because mom's out of town with the car...i got soaked....when i got there i tried to ride it between a column and a bench and i fuckin wiped out and slammed my hand/wrist, and now the fingers on that hand hurt and i got some nasty bruises on my leg and my shoulder hurts....blah.....but a nice mexican named javier gave me a ride home. i think he was trying to hit on me at work, he was like "call me" and did the phone thing with his fingers....

in an hour i'm going to see 28 days later with kent, and we're gonna take some triple-c beforehand....it's gonna be hella fun...i love getting fucked up with him, we don't clash at all....

well my back is killing me, i have to go lay on the couch.....

just felt like writing

Fri, 27 Jun 2003 04:40:59 GMT

hmmm let's see.....i signed my lease today, so the apartment's mine as of august 1st....so i have to move that day, and the next day is ozzfest, and the day after that is my birthday!! that's gonna be an exciting couple of days...and my mom told me today that her and grace are moving like july 10 or something, so from then till i move i get this place to myself. which will be wierd as hell, since there won't really be any furniture in here

ok i'm tired of writin now

damnit

Mon, 23 Jun 2003 06:55:16 GMT

i had another "attack" when i went to bed....i'm sick of this shit...i feel so alone sometimes.....i need a fuckin hug

blah blah blah

Sun, 22 Jun 2003 02:00:45 GMT

i have to work all day tomorrow, and i'm not looking forward to it....

it feels like sunday night, with that nasty nothing to do feeling.....i hate this feeling....oh well....

i had a great time last night, getting fucked up with my man and our friends, but it makes this empty night seem that much worse....plus i was trying to get some nookie but it wasn't exactly happening....don't you hate that unfinished business feeling

i got a call from a realtor today and i think i got this apartment i applied for...it's a one bedroom which is fabulous, but it's so ghetto.....i'm excited and scared at the same time....it's gonna be rough at first, getting used to it....but all the weed and sex i'll be getting in there should make up for it ;)

not lonely anymore

Wed, 11 Jun 2003 06:09:52 GMT

i found a good one this time :)

a day off

Mon, 09 Jun 2003 17:13:47 GMT

so i got today and tomorrow off, and i can catch up on all the shit i've been meaning to do for a few days....i'm watching martha stewart.....

ok that's all for now

FUCK YEAH!!

Sun, 08 Jun 2003 03:36:01 GMT

i FINALLY got my laptop up and running and connected to the internet again, so i don't have to take it in to get fixed and i don't have to lose any of my files :) plus i'll be updating this thing more.....

i had a pretty good day at work, nothing horrible happened and i had some fun convo's with people, but i was really tired and my feet hurt soooooo bad i couldn't stand in one place for more than a minute....i worked 10am-10:30pm on friday and today i was in again at 11am.....it sucked....but at 8:30 my boss anna told me i could go home :-D so i came home and took a really hot bath....mmmm....

tonight we have jager, mwahahaha.....i'm gonna get fuckin trashed :-D

bad news..

Mon, 02 Jun 2003 00:27:20 GMT

my mom had a talk with my sister and i the other day, she has to move again and we have to get rid of our dog, murphy....this will be my mom's 5th move in 5 years....i think it's my 25 or 26th overall....and this time was supposed to be different, she was supposed to stay in this house at least until my sister graduates high school in three years....but mom lost her job a few months ago and she wants to go back to school and money's gonna be really tight again.....we were doing so well this year, we bought new furniture and got digital cable (which for mom is a big deal)....my sister is taking it really hard....i'm gonna miss our dog :( he's such a cute dog, even if he's annoying a lot of the time....

so it looks like i'm gonna have to find my own place sooner than i thought....i need a roomate or two though....i can't really afford to live alone.....

i had a really fun weekend, i wish they all could be like that....

i fucking hate sunday evenings when the sun is setting....they're so depressing for some reason....

Fri, 30 May 2003 06:14:14 GMT

oh yeah...i was gonna say that i got my period today and i was so releived, it was like 5 days late and i was freaking out trying to remember what and who i did last month....which is really sad....i went through like a week where i was a major whore....but i feel bad about it so i'm gonna try not to be like that anymore...hopefully my friends will quit calling me fingercuffs, lol

it's been a long time....

Fri, 30 May 2003 06:07:56 GMT

i haven't updated this thing in a long ass time....mostly because i haven't felt like writing.....i haven't written in my paper journal in a long time either....my life has changed a lot very quickly...it's made me a little depressed and freaked out actually....so here goes...

i finished college (which i'll talk about in a second) and moved out of the dorms back in to my mom's house...i'm sleeping in my mom's room on a matress on the floor....that in itself is rather disturbing, since i tend to come home at 2am reeking of smoke stoned off my ass....

i got a new job a few weeks ago, at noodles & company...it's been going pretty good, it's nice to be making money again (although i haven't gotten paid yet) but i think i'm gonna start going crazy since it's not a very good stoner job...oh well i'm desperate to have money again...

so college....I FUCKED IT UP....i regret so much about what i did with it....i should have gone to class more, i should have read more, i should have stayed in...but if i had it to do again i would do the same shit....right now in my life having fun is more important than anything, and i can't change that....i know it's really stupid an immature, but i really can't help it...hopefully it will pass in a few years and i'll start acting like an adult....

so basically i have been thinking a lot about what i'm gonna do with my life....right now i'm at the point where pretty much every option is open for me...and i have no fucking clue what to do....and it changes everyday what i think i want to do....i'm taking my time to figure it out....

i was thinking today that i want a boyfriend again....i want someone to cuddle with and all that....but then i think about how after a while i don't like being tied down to someone...i've never met anyone who's made me feel like i didn't want to be with anyone else...but right now i really want a guy to act like a boyfriend to me, if only for a little while....but i don't know any guys around here that i could do that with...i have a bunch of guy friends but their friendship is more important than sex or cuddling.....maybe i could get one of them to spoon with me for a night...lol...

i found out 40 below summer is coming back to wisconsin in a few months, which is awesome....i'm not excited about it yet cuz i don't know where they're playing or when, and i don't know how many days i'm gonna see them...but any time spent with them is fine with me, i miss them all so much....it sucks making friends with people you never get to see....

i think that's about it for now....i'm gonna start writing more again so if i think of anything else i'll put it in later...

my dream

Fri, 09 May 2003 16:46:16 GMT

last night i had a dream....a lot of shit happened first, i was in this big house with a bunch of people and there was a big storm and the front of the house fell over....after the storm we were cleaning up i was going around gathering up all the glass pipes that were sitting around and putting them next to the sink, when my mom and her friend came by and i tried to hide the pipes and she laughed at me and took out this AWESOME little inside out glass peice, it was like a hawiian shirt pattern almost, with tiny little white flowers over the whole thing...anyways, my mom had some nice ass bud in that pipe, and she was asking me if that looked like a dime bag to me or something, and she was tokin up with her friend.............it was wierd as fuck.....

bored

Fri, 09 May 2003 00:46:30 GMT

there's nothing on tv, big suprise....i tried calling this guy but his phone isn't getting service in manhattan apparently....oh well i'll try again tonight when he's back in the bronx....at least i think that's where he's gonna be....crazy people on tour, always running around, eating meatballs at drummer's parents' houses.....oh well....at least this one lives in the next state....
sooo.....hmm, i was bored a minute ago, but i can't think of anything to write...tonight is (hopefully) my last night at the dorms....it'll be nice not to have to live here anymore....i really really hated it when i first moved in, but the hate dulled to more of a disdain...it feels like home to me, but a really small, boring home with public bathrooms....i wish i had a nice little apartment to move into....i still need to find a full time job...my responsibilities now are job, car, apartment...i really really need my own car....i love driving around in the middle of the night listening to loud music...well enough of my sadness....
tomorrow i think i'm gonna go downtown and sell my books....oh wait they probably won't let me sell them since technically the semester isn't over....i don't wanna lug all those books over there and have to lug them back...fuck that....
i want to get really really piss drunk this weekend...i should call someone about that...hopefully i'll at least get good and fuckin stoned....la la la....